blog #five
Everything in the following blog has been said before by every younger person who moved from their hometown, but I'm going to say it again in my own words 😜.
Leaving Boston at 18 was one of the scarier things I’ve ever done. I grew up in this tiny, very east coasty neighborhood by the vast Atlantic where everything felt simple and predictable. Honestly, like most of my friends at the time, I didn’t know what I was doing because I didn't need to know. I was confident without any accomplishments, and it was easy to simply go with momentum and peer pressure, eventually just getting into (mostly naughty 😈) trouble. But deep down, I felt like I needed to leave, like there was something I had to prove—not to my mom, dad, or anyone, but to myself. I was untested, and I didn’t know if I could handle life outside of my comfort zone. I really wanted to find out if I could create evidence that I was who I thought I could be.
It wasn’t easy, of course. Massachusetts was all I knew. It was familiar, safe... frankly, too safe. I had everything there—friends, family, and the same routine every day. It's worth noting that most of my friends from Boston are still there. It was and is so comfortable to remain where you come from, isn't it? But being stuck in that bubble wasn’t growing or helping me figure out what I wanted in this crazy, beautiful world. Eventually, I decided to pack up my shitty little car by myself and head west towards the Rocky Mountains, simply hoping that being far away from everything would force me into becoming a better, more intentional person.
By way of Philly and Detroit, I finally got to Colorado. To no one's surprise, I didn’t feel like I had hoped I would. It was beautiful, yes, but it also made me feel small and scared. The air was thinner, the sky was was huge, and everyone was seemed confident. I was miserable at the beginning, and it beame easy for a younger woman like me to "other" myself quickly. I remember walking around Denver and into the mountains, mistakenly feeling like I was the only one who didn’t belong. I was plagued with thoughts like: could I really do this? Could I build friends, purpose, and a life from scratch? The mountains were huge, and they made your little Bae felt even littler. I was tempted for years to go back to Boston.
But I stuck it out; through awkwardness, uncertainty, sleeping in my car, making and losing friends, and being confused a lot. After a while, I started to realize something. Yes, I was somewhere new, but proving something to myself wasn't going to be as simple as moving west or doing one dramatic thing. It had to be about showing up, yes, but then also sticking it out. Proving something to myself required me to move forward even when I'm unsure about what to do. The east coast will always be part of me, but moving actually did force me into learning that I can be more than I thought. Even if I don’t have it all figured out, simply by showing up over and over again through the fear, I'm constantly creating that evidence that I am the person I think I am.
Life is complicated in different ways, and maybe I don't think you literally need to move in order to grow or become tested... buuuut then again maybe I do think that? Geography really does make a difference. Either way, in 2025, I hope you can find a way to make big moves, show up, and stick it out, however that may look for you. Ultimately, the only real tragedy for any of us would be ending this year in exactly the same place we started it.
